This year we begin our story with the age-old question: Evil .
Is it really Nature vs. Nurture?
Bad brows. They don’t just happen.
They are CREATED.
If I have said it once, I’ve said it at least 100 times in nearly 20 years of my professional career. “No one pops out of the womb with bad eyebrows.”
Every single time someone tells me
“Oh they’ve always been this way.”
Insert Kathy Bates here: LIES.
Your eyebrows have just been that way for so long, you can’t remember when the true terror began... And more importantly, why hasn’t 1 soul intervened on your behalf?!?
Like most scary stories, things start innocently enough, and unravel down in a spiral of events that leave you staring at old photos with the thoughts of:
“Well that escalated quickly.”
The true inception of evil isn’t found in the tales of tweezing terrors during our misguided youth... (Yes, I know, the 90’s had some moments)
We need to stop using that as an excuse for bad behavior though. It’s not a creepy curse you are helpless to.
If “thin is in” or it’s just your preference- that IS OK. Where it becomes rather violent is when you hack away at your natural arch like Jack Nicholson through a door in The Shining.
All the “3 point systems”, stencils, YouTube videos, and DIY Pinterest photos in the world are really just disasters waiting to happen unless you are aligning with your natural bone structure.
Spoiler Alert: No one is the same.
We are all unique. This is where a true professional rides in, one not associated with the 4 horseman of the eyebrow apocalypse:
- Stencils are the devil. They were great in theory, but almost always they’re simply not lined up properly. Most pros who use them- rely on them solely and if your eyebrow doesn’t fit- they will force it to fit. This usually involves quite a bit of makeup application leading to the finale of your service, lulling you into a false sense of calm and security until you wash your face. Um. Where are my brows? Leaving you as alone and helpless as the many stranded victims that came before you. Now your dependency on brow cosmetics has begun.
- Living the nightmare. You now can not even grab a cup of coffee on the go without spending a MINIMUM of 10 minutes everyday “filling in” your eyebrows. Like a dystopian parallel universe, you are forced into being brainwashed that this is “normal” and what everyone should be doing. Someone out there reading this knows. Something. Is terribly wrong.
- How do you stop the madness? You try to find “others” who understand. But they are either too fearful to break the pattern, don’t know how, or worse- promise salvation when really it’s just another kind of scary.
- People who think they are doing a good job. When in reality, it’s sorta “better” but really a whole other kind of disturbing conundrum in disguise. Before you accept help from that seemingly kind, authoritative, stranger- ask what their plan is and exactly how it’s to be executed. If they look at you with confusion or annoyance. Your better off without them. Save yourself. More importantly- ask yourself: Are they just promising salvation? WHY aren’t they asking YOU any questions.
It’s like I can hear you thinking:
“But I’m safe here.” Think again. Comfort does not mean that it’s safe or healthy for you. Neither does the price tag. “But I love my person!”. They’re so nice”.
Great. But. Are you happy? Are they doing your eyebrows for free? Nope. This is a business. They are supposed to be a professional that you trust AND does a great job. (Notice how I said great, not good) Otherwise why are you paying them? 🤯
Are you red? Swollen? Do you only schedule your appointments with a buffer of time for recovery? Read that again.
(Waves emphatically like a person running out of the woods, on a desolate road at night, covered in blood) STOP.
This is Your Official Brows of Horror Prevention List:
- When was the last time you did anything, AT ALL to your eyebrows? Yes. This INCLUDES the “I just grabbed a couple of stragglers.” Why? Firstly, you’re putting yourself in a position to never have a lasting brow shaping. You’re messing with your cycle of hair growth, making it uneven, so your service does not last as it should. (So for you $10 brow wax people out there- how often is that lasting you?) It’s not a bargain. More importantly, the area in which your brows grow is quite dense with nerve endings. If you are trying to encourage growth in 1 spot, but still tweezing “I swear no where near it”- guess what? You’re still stunting the growth. (Picture that hallway in nightmares where you’re running and it just keeps getting longer) Yup.
- If you are using ANYTHING from a dermatologist, retinol, Proactive, Rodan and Fields, or OTC acne or oil control facial cleansers. You must stop 3 days prior to your service. This is for waxing, sugaring, threading, EVEN tweezing. This is of utmost importance and if you are ignoring this - you are damaging your skin. Even if you don’t think so- long term you are, and one day you will look in the mirror knowing the “evil” began long ago. Getting your brows done should never be a “pain is beauty” experience. So please stop saying those words like a generational curse and reinforcing it with the younger ones. You should never be red. Your pinkness, if you have any, should go down in NO LONGER than 20 mins.
- Are you on blood thinners or steroids? They thin the skin. No hair removal should be done. Tweezing can be done if needed, and there is a specific way to do so with special post care.
- Is this the week before or during your menstrual cycle? You are more sensitive during this time. You’re more likely to have erythema. Which is a lot of redness either in the area or creeping out further. This is also a high time for “water welts”. Those are clear little bumps that resemble blisters. They will subside, but are unpleasant (usually itchy) and unsightly. They occur when the follicles are empty of hair but filled by water by the skin trying to protect itself. This also is common if you are retaining water due to dehydration. So stay hydrated.
Like Good, Evil is a constant. Waiting. Lurking in every nail salon, hair salon, spa, all the way to your popular beauty store counter. There it lies. Waiting for the opportune moment, to catch you at your most vulnerable.
Similar classic horror movie setups really.
Last minute road trips taking you to or across lands known as “the middle of nowhere”.
Summer camp getaways (specifically near creepy lakes)
Exploring. Both domestic and distant lands, usually finding yourself in creepy places like historic hotels with spas, hostels, or “roughing it” (now known as “grounding yourself” in “nature”).
“Wait a minute, I thought I already paid for my service with that lady at the end of the hallway!”
Watch out for that ancient, cursed, burial ground or that dimly lit, Lysol-deprived bathroom.
Brows of Horror Antidote:
“Tips for Happy Brows” and Virtual browpixie®️ appointments found on browtopia.com
Haunted places and cursed objects.
You know you shouldn’t go back, yet you’re drawn to do so... Past life connection? Something otherworldly calling you over the preverbal cliff?
Put down that creepy doll and those antique tweezers you found at the garage sale. Steer the car AWAY from your go-to beauty store.
Brows of Horror Antidote:
Service menus and Retail therapy found on Browtopia.com.
In person (for when sh*t is getting real)
1520 Main St. 1-D
Very much like the Ghostbusters and those nice people, The Warrens...
“Have tweezers will travel” for those “larger, more intensive disturbances”.
I’m there for you and will magically appear in the nick of time.
Browpixie-Approved fighters in the crusade against brows of horror are also scattered throughout the country. Contact me to see if they are in your area or keep note when I mention them on social media.
PTSD Support. Nightmares. That feeling like something is wrong. Or because sometimes, just like the undead, 🧟♀️ 🧛♀️ THEY COME BACK.
Brows of Horror Antidote:
Social media @browpixie (all the things) and @browtopia (products) on Instagram. Facebook: browtopia. Twitter: @browpixie.
Remember- only you can prevent #browsofhorror. While we can not change what terror lies awaiting us in the unknown, we can change our path. Our habits, reactions, and own behavior. We can stop excusing bad service. We can stand in our power and SPEAK ON IT.
Do it for yourself and the ones you hold dear.
So grab your crucifix, garlic, holy water, and your great grandmother’s lucky trinket or remedy cookbook, and make good choices.
And remember you’re friendly, neighborhood browpixie is always here to protect you...
For appointments, trainings, and events. Email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org